Okay, it's a blond joke...... but it's funny

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it. The doctor asks her to show him what she means. She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams...and so it goes. No matter where she touches, her agony is apparent.

The doctor says, "You're really a blonde, not a brunette, aren't you?"

She sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde. "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked

10.  No one ever steals your chair.
   
 9.  Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
   
 8.  Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
   
 7.  People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
   
 6.  You want to see if it's like the dream.
   
 5.  To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
   
 4.  "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
   
 3.  Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
   
 2.  Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
   
    And...drum roll...the Number One reason to go to work naked:
   
    Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Unusual Problem for a Sad Situation

I don't usually pass on news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and remember what life is about. There was a great loss recently in the entertainment world. Larry LaPrise, the Detroit native who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey," died recently at the age of 83. It was especially difficult for the family.
 
It seems that they had some trouble keeping him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and.........
well you know the rest...

Word Play

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopomosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

       And, the pick of the literature -

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an....... well, you know.
 

A Difference of 30 Years

1970 - The perfect high
2000 - The perfect high yield mutual fund

1970 - Moving to California because it's cool
2000 - Moving to California because it's warm

1970 - Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents
2000 - Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children

1970 - Seeds and stems
2000 - Roughage

1970 - Paar
2000 - AARP

1970 - Hoping for a BMW
2000 - Hoping for a BM

1970 - Getting out to a new, hip joint
2000 - Getting a new hip joint

1970 - Being called into the principal's office
2000 - Calling the principal's office

1970 - Parents begging you to cut your hair
2000 - Children begging you to shave their heads

1970 - Passing the driver's test
2000 - Passing the vision test

1970 - Acid Rock
2000 - Acid Reflux

1970 - Growing pot
2000 - Growing pot belly

1970 - Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
2000 - Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor

1970 - Our president's struggle with Fidel
2000 - Our president's struggle with fidelity

1970 - Killer weed
2000 - Weed killer

1970 - The Grateful Dead
2000 - Dr. Kevorkian

1970 - Rolling Stones
2000 - Kidney stones

1970 - Peace sign
2000 - Mercedes logo

1970 - Take acid
2000 - Take antacid

1970 - Whatever
2000 - Depends

Consumer Labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how ...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of all those accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds out of those cars.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash )

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly United.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? OUCH!!!)